from Rickie again
Why Men Die Earlier


Men Die First for a Reason.
Do you know how tough it is being a man...?
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy. If you work too hard there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and
find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
No Wonder Men Die Before Women!!
They Want To!!!!!

from Ricke

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!! OPEN TO MEN ONLY!

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

Topic 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.
Topic 2. Lavatory paper rolls: do they grow on the holders ? Round-table discussion.
Topic 3: Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
Topic 4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.
Topic 5. Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. Help line and support groups.
Topic 6. Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
Topic 7. Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audio tape.
Topic 8. Real men ask for directions when lost. Real-life testimonials.
Topic 9. Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks? Driving simulation.
Topic 10. Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife. Online class and role playing.
Topic 11. How to be the ideal shopping companion. Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
Topic 12. How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.


CLASSES FOR WOMEN...
Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
21. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Petrol: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only